I Listed Five Accomplishments for Elon Musk

If you are also interested in e-mailing the actual president of the United States, for Donald Trump is too much of a chicken to stop this angry madman from continuing to cause chaos within Washington D.C., the e-mail they’ve currently been using to receive the bullet points is hr4@opm.gov

My five accomplishments for the week:

1) I didn't try to get innocent federal workers fired

2) I didn't try to avoid taxes and then shove a bunch of $$$ into a fascist charity-stealing felon's campaign in order to continue avoiding paying my fair share.

3) I didn't buy a mega-popular and infamous app and completely strip it of its value by allowing it to become inundated with 4-8chan edgelords, awful spam, and some of the worst basement-dwelling creatures the internet has ever seen.

4) I didn't become the most-hated immigrant in the United States while having a net worth so high I can quit, give up 95% of my wealth, and still have enough money left over that I can travel the entire world without any issue and finally find the happiness I've been desperately seeking.

5) I didn't continue pledging support for far-right groups with intense ties to the Nazi party that caused a global war and a near-eradication of an entire culture of people.

Listen, the best thing you can do at this point is quit, leave the White House, and leave the United States entirely. It is so sad how awful you've become just because you are incapable of being funny and having a desirable personality. I fully believe you'd be happier if you sold everything, logged off for a year, and went on one of those cruises that takes you around the world.

I mean it, you need therapy, you need to stop being morbidly online, you need to find the closest beach and sit on the sand for hours to re-examine who you are, what you've become, and what you should do to fix yourself. Until then, the disapproval of everything you do will continue.